How to Handle Breakup

Getting Back With Your Ex Step 1 - Opening Moves

Few things suck more in life than an unwanted breakup. Not only are you losing someone you love and care about, but the added burden of this sudden rejection can really kick you straight in the heart.

Break Up Tips

You won't realize it right away, but the pain you're feeling right now is actually your worst enemy. It's going to cause you to make mistakes; you'll do things you shouldn't do, and you'll say things you really shouldn't say.

Even worse, many of these things will push your ex further and further away, at a time you should be focusing on bringing them closer again.

Pain causes kneejerk reactions.

Pain results in colossal blunders.

Pain gives rise to that drunken phone call or desperate text message... the one you already made to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend that you really wish you could take back.

For these reasons, you'll need to learn control. You'll have to show restraint, even in the face of the seemingly insurmountable emotional devastation you feel after your boyfriend or girlfriend dumps you.

So listen up, because your first lesson is cataclysmically important:

What you do RIGHT NOW will determine whether or not you can get your ex back.

It's that simple. The moves you make during and immedately after your lover breaks up with you are the biggest influences over whether or not this person will ultimately want you back. The worse you act right now, and the more breakup mistakes you make? The harder it will be to stop and reverse the breakup process.

Emotional Reactions That Drive Your Ex Away

Immaturity. Desperation. Begging, pleading, crying... all of these things are common reactions following an unwanted break up. And all of them are extremely detrimental to getting back together, which is why you need to avoid them like the plague.

Spite. Anger. Revenge. These are emotions that will not only cause your ex to run in the opposite direction, but will also destroy any respect they might still have for you. And once that respect is gone, there are very few ways of getting it back again.

Your boyfriend or girlfriend once had a very high opinion of you. So high, that they fell head over heels in love with you, and it blossomed into a full-blown relationship.

So your ultimate goal? To make your ex fall BACK in love with you. To get your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to feel the unbreakable emotional ties they once felt toward you, and to strengthen those original bonds that brought you together as a couple.

That goal can't be realized all at once. You can't get your ex back overnight, or with a single heartfelt love letter, card, phone call, gift, or whatever you see in the movies.

No, fixing your breakup is a multi-staged process. There are certain steps you need to follow - in order - if you want to rebuild the relationship you and your ex once had.

Why Most Broken Relationships CAN Still Be Saved

Analyzing the reasons so many couples always get back together

Most people make some attempt at getting back together when a person breaks up with them. Unfortunately though, most of people also those fail.

Know the number one biggest reason for failure? And no, it's not because their ex doesn't still have feelings for them.

It's because they don't know how to draw OUT those feelings. It's because they don't know the RIGHT techniques for making that ex boyfriend or girlfriend love, want, and need them back in their lives again. And so they lose them.

The good news? You don't have to lose the person you love. And that's because getting back together with an ex is a TOTALLY LEARNABLE SKILL.

You can learn to ski, right?

You can learn to play tennis, or drive a car, or read music and play guitar... even if you've never done those things before.

By the same token, you can learn how to win back an ex boyfriend or girlfriend who broke up with you. It's a simple matter of knowing what to do first, what to do last, and getting familiar with all of the steps in between.

Ex Back System

However, there's a distinct difference.

Because if you fail to ski or play guitar the first, or second, or even the third time you try? There's always the fourth and fifth times. In other words, you've got all the time in the world to learn certain skillsets, and you can practice them again and again.

But in getting your ex back? You're faced with a very limited window of opportunity.

Screw up too much, and you can lose your boyfriend or girlfriend for good. They're not going to wait around forever, especially if you're making mistakes, and especially if you're not being proactive enough about getting them back.

In other words, you only get one shot. Blow that chance, and it's over.

This is why knowledge is everything. This is why you shouldn't be making a single move toward fixing your breakup until you KNOW what early actions you should be taking, as well as a complete blueprint to guide you every step of the way.

Fact is, every breakup situation is unique. What works for one couple might not work for the next. So before you can work toward getting your relationship back, you need to know which path(s) to take. Which avenues will lead right back into your ex's heart, and which will lead to lonely dead ends.

First Moves to Make Immediately After the Breakup

Setting yourself up for success in getting your ex back

Think your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you without looking back to see where you are, what you're doing, and how you're handling things?

Of course not. And that means right now is a very key time. It's your opportunity to show the very best attributes and reactions, while minimizing the ones that would turn your ex off or make them view you as weak, vulnerable, and undesirable.

So yes, your ex is watching you. He or she is curious, but moreover, seeing how you react to the breakup can really cement that decision in your ex's mind. Your ex wants to see behaviors that reaffirm that their decision was a good one; behaviors that make you more of a loser than a winner. It's crucial you show only the winning behaviors, because these are the adjustments that will make your ex want you back again.

Strength - Strong people are attractive, in both mind and body. Your ex wants to see strength of character, even in the face of adversity. Strong people don't take shit from other people, so if you're acting weak, waiting by the phone, crying, or cowtowing to your ex's every whim? You're going to lose big points here.

Confidence - Confidence is sexy. It's the single most underated attribute, and it's something both men and women look for in a partner. Showing confidence after the breakup will rattle your ex's confidence, and force them to re-examine their decision to break up with you. This is step one of getting them back.

Charisma - Charisma equals FUN. Your boyfriend or girlfriend was initally attracted to a certain amount of charisma from you, and chances are you lost some along the way. Be charismatic again, in everything you do and everywhere you go? It won't be long before your ex starts to notice you again.

Optimism - People date each other for many reasons, but a big one is happiness. Optimistic people are happy, and they always attract more friends through positive attention. If you're negative or pessimistic after the breakup? That pity party is costing you big time... because your ex will be totally turned off by it.

Independence - It's the opposite of neediness. Independence is an admirable trait that shows you can stand on your own, but most important of all it shows that you don't have to depend on your ex for your happiness or well-being. If your ex can see you as independent after the breakup, it's a very good start.

Happiness - How happy were you at the end of your relationship? Be honest, and take a good look at how things were. More often than not, people get bored and miserable right before they break up. But by showing you can be happy even without your ex? That causes them to question whether or not they can be happy without you.

Exhibiting the above behaviors will always help grab your ex's attention, and get them to start looking at you in a different way. Even if your breakup happened a while ago, and you seem to be drifing further apart? There are ways of letting your ex know you've become happy, independent, confident, and well-adjusted... without them.

Okay, it's time to move on. Let's talk about Step 2:

How to Make Your Ex Miss You After the Breakup

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The Magic of Making Up